I Have A Lover
by CSluvGCY
Summary: Songfic. Aerith's thoughts on her love for Cloud, and partially on the dreaded love triangle :O


**I Have A Lover**

_You ask me if I'm still alone. I just laugh and say I am in love right now. I have a person that I love._

His body slumps into the seat next to me, interrupting my thoughts. I look up and catch his gaze. Oh, those shiny blue eyes that always seem to comfort me and make me feel safe. But, there's something different about them. They don't seem friendly; they seem focused, angry even, to something-or someone. I turn my head looking in his direction and spot her. With her long legs and big, brown eyes, she steps into the room, causing every male in the room to turn in her direction. He likes her. I smile at his silent crush towards her, but a small part of me is crying. What is this feeling? Shouldn't I be happy? Shouldn't I be playing matchmaker? But wait, I thought he liked...me.

"What're you thinking about?"

I hear him, yet I don't say anything.

"Are you still in love with that SOLDIER?" he asks, as if that's what's been bothering me.

I press my lips together, to keep my mouth shut. This isn't like me, I know. Maybe I should reassure him that I'm okay.

"Not with him, no. But, I _am _in love."

_I guess you felt sorry for me. Saying that you know someone nice, that I should meet him once._

He smiles. "I used to know someone. You wouldn've liked him. He was such a ladies' man..," he scratched his head, as if trying to remember something. "Hmm, weird. I don't remember his name.."

_But you just don't know. I have a good lover. He's so precious to me that I've kept him hidden away. I can only look upon that person. I see him only in my eyes. I'm going to keep him forever on my lips. He knows of the tears that come rushing upon me. Do you know that person is you?_

I shake my head. "No, I _do _have a lover. He knows how to make me happy when I'm mad. He makes me feel safe all the time. He's a good fighter, and.." I catch his gaze once more,"although he reminds me of someone I used to know, I know that who he is isn't really who he thinks he is. He's more than just a Za-"

I gasped. I almost said his name. That name that hurt me for over 4 years. The person who made me feel special, then left me. Left me with no explanations, no apologies..no replies. Those were the loneliest years of my life. I kept telling myself he would come back. Or that maybe he ran off with another woman. Anything but..death. But now that Cloud's here in my life, I thought maybe I could replace him in my heart. No, Cloud's more than that. He already has a place in my heart. Yet, I can't love him because he loves someone else. I can see it in his eyes.

"Aerith? You okay?"

"Sorry, I dozed off. I meant to say that he's more than just a replacement for my first love. That's all." I gave him my most innocent smile to reassure him.

_I don't want to keep this person. I don't want to be greedy. I just want to love him. _

Loving him, is all that I can do. Or maybe, I can still interfere with his feelings. But it's not right. I know Tifa. She's backing away from him, so that I can have him. So I can keep him all to myself. But, I love Tifa. I don't want to hurt her. I don't want her to go through what I had to. I want to keep her heart whole. So she can continue this journey with him. She's the one who's supposed to be by his side. To show him who he really is.

I see Tifa taking a spot next to Barret, taking a quick glance at Cloud. She noticed my gaze and instantly looked away, as if it were a crime to look at the man she loved. She's hurting, and I'm just sitting here, flirting with Cloud. Well, not really flirting..

_You just don't know. I have a good lover. He's so precious to me that I've kept him hidden away. I can only look upon that person. I see him only in my eyes. I'm going to keep him forever on my lips. He knows of the tears that come rushing upon me. Do you know that I'm not alone?_

The planet told me that I was here for a reason. I don't think that reason was to find love again. It was to save everyone. But why is he so much more important to me right now? No..no. The planet's survival is my goal. Cloud's saved me many times. It's my turn to save him. To give him life back, like he gave me love back.

"You really _are _alone in this world, aren't you Pinkie?" he teased, laying his elbows on his knees.

_Don't feel bad for me. One day, I'll introduce you to this person. _

"Says the chocobo loner sitting in his own little corner," I say cutely, grabbing a spike on his head with my forefinger and thumb, and shaking it.

He looks up at my fingers and grabs them, pretending to bite them. I pull my hand back and giggle.

_Can you tell by these tears coming down my face? That person is you._

Maybe one day, he'll know how much I love him.

**Author's Note: **This was a challenge for me. Many Cleriths always tell me I don't understand their POV of their beliefs on why Cloud and Aerith should be together. I wanted to display a more, sensitive Aerith. She's always so spunky in the game and I thought maybe she hides her feelings of years of hurt behind her "upbeat" personality. Falling in love does tend to make you forget all the bad things that's happened to you.

_Song: _I Have A Lover by Lee Eun Mi


End file.
